Have you ever caught yourself saying: “I billed 80 hours this week.” Or: “I was online until 1 a.m.”

And instead of feeling embarrassed, you felt… a little proud?

In law, those aren’t just meaningless moments. They’re patterns of honor. Proof you belong.

Today, I want to talk about why we wear those patterns, what they’re really costing us, and some alternatives you might test out instead - the kind that signal leadership without grinding you down.

Welcome to The Lawyer Burnout Solution, the podcast for women attorneys who want to stay in the careers they worked so hard to build, without running themselves into the ground.

I’m Heather Mills, and every week I share tools, strategies, and mindset shifts to help you reclaim your energy, confidence, and career.

And let’s be clear up front: change is hard—especially in systems built on tradition, hierarchy, and relentless output. But every systemic shift starts with a few individuals willing to test what’s possible.

Segment 1: Naming the Badges

You’ve probably heard yourself—or a colleague—say things like: 

“I billed more hours than anyone else this month.” Translation: I matter because I’m producing more than anyone else.

“I’m always available—call me anytime.”  What that’s really signaling is: I prove commitment by never being off the clock.

“I haven’t taken a real vacation in years.” The subtext here is: I prove loyalty by pushing through without breaks.

“I answered that partner’s email at 11 p.m.” Underneath, what it’s saying is: I show I’m dependable by responding at any hour.

“I said yes to three urgent matters in the same week.” What this badge is meant to prove is: I show I can carry more than anyone else.

And if we’re honest, these sound a lot like things we tell ourselves every day: “I just need to get through this week.” Or “I can’t drop any balls.” Or “If I don’t stay on top of everything, I’ll fall behind.”

They don’t just describe how busy we are - they’re part of the cultural code.

Here’s the tricky part: not everyone experiences these badges as bragging rights. Many women lawyers don’t walk around feeling proud of overwork—they feel like they’re still not doing enough. They’ll say, “I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop.” Or “I feel like I’m failing at everything—even though I’m getting it all done.”

That sense of never enough is just another version of the badge system. It’s the flip side of the same conditioning—proving you belong by showing you can keep up, no matter the cost.

Each badge carries a hidden cost: the vacation not taken drains creativity, the midnight emails train others to expect constant access, the overstuffed week leaves little room for strategy. And that constant sense of falling behind? That’s another cost. It keeps you in survival mode, even when you’re performing at a high level.

And it’s worth asking—what are we really bragging about, or beating ourselves up about? Resilience, or self-neglect?

And the profession rewards us for it. You get the positive reviews, the bigger cases, maybe faster advancement. So of course we learn the code.

I'll admit—I wore these too. I remember bragging to a colleague once about how little I slept that week—half joking, half proud. It didn’t feel unhealthy. It felt like belonging.

So if you’re listening and thinking, yep, I’ve done that—or you’re thinking, I don’t do enough, I’m barely keeping up - you’re not alone. You’re simply responding to the environment you’re in.

Segment 2: Why Overwork Gets Rewarded

So why do these patterns hold so much power? Three reasons.

The first is Identity training. From law school on, the message is clear: self-sacrifice equals worth.

The second are Cultural cues. Partners tell war stories about all-nighters like they’re campfire legends.

The third is Optics and fear. If you’re not visibly “all in,” it feels risky.

These are reflections of larger forces: patriarchy, capitalism, law culture—that taught us sacrifice equals value. Law just happens to deliver those lessons in long hours, late-night emails, and endless billables.

And for many women lawyers, it doesn’t feel like overwork at all. It feels like not doing enough. You might look at your packed calendar and still think, “I’m falling behind. I should be doing more.” That’s part of the conditioning too—the constant sense that no matter how much you give, it’s still not enough.

So when you find yourself bragging about billables or sleepless nights - or beating yourself up that you aren’t doing more—it’s not something you need to be ashamed about. It makes sense. You’re responding to the system. And that’s important to name—because you didn’t create these rules, you inherited them.

In other words, these habits are really about proving something—to yourself, to your colleagues, to the system. But it’s worth asking: proving what, and at what cost?

We latch onto badges of honor because they’re visible, tangible, and easy for others to notice. But the costs? They’re quieter.

The first is Mental fog. When you’re exhausted, your brain can’t track nuance—you just push through.”

The second is Crowded-Out Priorities Saying yes to everything squeezes out the work that actually matters.”You find yourself spinning your wheels doing work that doesn't move the needle on anything important.

The third is Relationship erosion. “When you’re always on, people start to expect it—and it causes problems both at work and home.”

The fourth is Shaky Self-trust. Every override of your body’s signals chips away at ability to trust your own decision-making about what's best for you.

So to recap the main costs of using the badges of honor are:

1. Mental fog, 2. crowded out priorities, 3. relationship erosion, and 4. shaky self-trust

For some of you, these costs look like waking up already exhausted. Or realizing your shoulders are permanently clenched. Or lying awake at 3 a.m., mind racing. That’s not resilience—it’s your body telling you it’s running out of reserves.

One client—let’s call her Sofia—kept saying yes until she was staffed on three urgent matters at once. She prided herself on being indispensable.  But she was spinning her wheels. Once she blocked two 90-minute focus sessions each day, her drafts came back with fewer edits—and she started leaving earlier. Same talent. Different operating system.

These patterns didn’t start with you; they’re part of the system. But here’s the good news: you can run your own small tests. Small experiments that show there’s another way. You might not overhaul firm culture overnight, but you can try one shift, measure the outcome, and share results.

This way you get to think of these as habits to experiment with—not permanent declarations about how nothing works, no change is possible.

Experiment One: Clear Boundaries, Clear Work. Offer two delivery options—like a polished draft tomorrow or a rough outline tonight.

Experiment Two: Deep Work over Busy Work. Protect two 90-minute focus blocks this week. Treat them like court.

Experiment Three: Predictable Availability. Publish your email response windows—say 10 to 12 and 2 to 4—and set up a true-emergency channel.

Experiment Four: Data-Backed Capacity. Track your time for two weeks. Depending on your role, decide yourself or bring your partner three options—reprioritize deadlines, redistribute work, or adjust the timeline.

Experiment Five: Recovery as Strategy. Protect a consistent sleep schedule and one daily reset—like a walk, short workout, or 10-minute pause away from screens.

Not every experiment will get applause. Sometimes boundaries get pushback. But over time, consistent leadership (boundaries, evidence, steady follow-through) can build trust. Even slow change starts with a single thoughtful experiment.f\

So just to recap, the five experiments are:

One: Clear boundaries with delivery options.

Two: Protecting deep focus blocks.

Three: Setting predictable response times to emails or slack

Four: Tracking your real capacity and adjusting.

And Five: protecting your sleep and rest and recovery activities.

Pick one, try it out for 1 0 days and see what shifts.

One person shifting habits can seem small. But when enough people model sustainable, high-quality work, norms begin to shift. It’s not just self-help—it’s quiet culture change. You might be surprised who starts to follow your lead next.

Segment 6: A Mindset Practice Swap

If those experiments feel like too much right now, start simpler: change your thoughts and notice how that shifts your emotions and the actions you take.

Here's an Old thought that might come up for you: “If I don’t say yes, I’ll disappoint someone.”

that makes you feel anxious or guilty. that leads to you agreeing immediately, and working late.

A New thought to try is : “Leaders protect their ability to create quality work.”

That might make you feel confident or calm

And that leads to actions like: offering the partner two delivery options in terms of timelines, or blocking focus time, or protecting your sleep schedule.

Try this new thought once a day for a week. Leaders protect their ability to create quality work. Notice what shifts. 

One client started offering delivery options in her emails instead of just saying yes. She’d write something like, “I can get you a rough outline tonight or a rough draft tomorrow afternoon—what works better?” Within a couple of weeks, the partner said, “Your timelines are dead-on. Keep doing that.”

Another tested blocking her mornings for drafting. At first, her partner brushed it off—“Fine, just make sure you send it to me when I need it.” But when she circled back the next week and said, “When I block focus time, my drafts come back with fewer edits,” that landed. Over time, even reluctant colleagues started respecting her boundaries.

A lawyer I worked with committed to logging off by 10 p.m. instead of pushing past midnight. She told me later, “I was sharper the next morning—and nobody even noticed I wasn’t online.” That’s the thing—sometimes the story we tell ourselves about being “needed” at all hours isn’t actually true.

And sometimes the shift is as simple as naming what works. One client said, “When I stop multitasking and protect my focus, my work gets cleaner and faster.” Simple. But it changed how she thought about the value she was bringing.

That’s how culture shifts; not in one clean moment, but through persistence, evidence, and small wins that build credibility.

In law, we’ve been taught to wear overwork like a badge of honor. And it makes sense—that’s the system. But the patterns that sustain excellence look different: boundaries, focus, steadiness, sustainable pace, and real rest.

This week, try just one shift. Notice the outcomes. Share what worked and what didn’t.

Thanks for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself this week—and I’ll see you next time. If you want help choosing which experiment makes the most sense for you, there’s a link in the show notes where you can book a short call with me - we’ll map out where you are now, what’s draining you most, and one or two practical shifts you can test in your own practice.